Facilitated by Russell DeFonce
FACILITATOR BIOGRAPHY
Russell DeFonce, Coordinator of the Essex/Hamilton Mediation Services for the Rural Law Center, is the lead facilitator for the North Country Regional Hate and Bias Prevention Council. He believes mediation is a transformative cultural force with unlimited avenues for learning. Russ is a dog lover, carpenter, bookseller, cab driver, sewer cleaner, economics professor, runner, cyclist, reader, a decent cook, and a passable knitter.
SET THE TONE
Individual introductions were made around the circle. Russ spoke about his work as a mediator and his efforts to be a calming influence in conflict resolution cases. Russ told the group about a new initiative he’s involved in: the creation of ten regional Hate and Bias Prevention Counsels. Drawing from faith communities, law enforcement, school administrators, and more, the counsels attempt to parse out the what and the why of racist incidents and how to better respond to difficult situations.
From Russ: “I work in the ‘middle ground’ thanks, in part, to a man named Dave Gunning, a singer/songwriter, who wrote a song I consider a mediator’s anthem. The middle ground is a place. How do we map it? How do we find it in the first place? How do we navigate it once we get there? When it comes to mediation, agreement is NOT the goal. Communication, understanding, compassion, and empathy are. Hopefully participants walk away with a vision of each other’s humanity. No one should walk away feeling diminished. Our goal is a conversation that is a tremendously creative force, not a destructive one.”
ACTIVITY
Russ passed around song lyrics for the group to follow along while listening to “Middle Ground” by Dave Gunning & Jamie Robinson.
“Middle Ground”
We are standing on a bridge, there’s smoke on either side
Will they let it burn, will they let it burn
And there’s a story on the wind and it’s just as old as time
Is it too late to learn, too late to learn
And the arguments have hardened with both sides digging in
There’s a price to pay
For leaving reason by the wayside, respect has come and gone
For another day, for another day
Can we rise above the noise
Are we willing to try
Can we pull ourselves together
Across the divide
Will it lead us to a place where peace can be found
Somewhere between us on the middle ground
On the middle ground
And underneath the surface the difference is thin
We’re not so far apart, so far apart
Like a line drawn in the sand ‘til the tide comes rollin’ in
That’s all we are, that’s all we are
Now the salt of the earth for all that it is worth
Can heal anything
So when the voices all go silent the truth can be heard
If we’re listening, if we’re listening
Can we rise above the noise
Are we willing to try
Can we pull ourselves together
Across the divide
Will it lead us to a place where peace can be found
Somewhere between us on the middle ground
On the middle ground
After the song played all the way through, participants were asked to pick out phrases in the song that describe “middle ground.” The following words were noted:
respect
be ready
be willing
acknowledge that there are decent and respectful ideas on both sides
healing
listening
TRANSCRIPT
The notes below are a transcript of Conversation 7:
Participant 1 reflected on how John Brown believed slavery was wrong. John Brown saw the opposite of the middle ground. You either appease the slavocracy by participating in the system or you dismantle it.
There is a false middle ground… take for example fascists and anti-fascists, who are not equally deserving of their point of view being heard. If respect isn’t being reciprocated, we don’t owe them our respect.
Participant 1 quoted Malcolm X, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.”
The emphasis is on civility. It’s not always about compromise or giving in. You don’t have to compromise.
Participant 2 quoted James Baldwin: “We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist.”
Russ: How do we recognize power dynamics? The power is not always in the most obvious places. It might be the quiet person in the room that holds the power.
Participant 3 quoted Ada Limón, our U.S. Poet Laureate, “I think it’s OK not to talk, not to make, not to create, not to produce, produce, produce. How can we listen to the world if we are always talking to the world? [577: Poem Beginning to Sound | The Slowdown]
Russ: Many who are new to mediation find it difficult to sit with silence. That’s the time a mediator must do their best to sit back. Sitting with silence is really hard in our society. There are times when I bite my tongue and wait, and then, something happens. Bringing people to middle ground is bringing them to silence. You yield space to another person.
Participant 4: What kind of issues do you mediate now, Russ?
Russ: A ton of court cases… city court. More and more restorative work is being practiced. It’s unfortunate that restorative practices are being popularized, when, in fact, the concept of talking circles is ancient. One person sets the rules and poses 3 or 4 questions. A talking piece is passed around the circle. Not everyone is obligated to speak. There’s no cross talk. You sit with whatever information is shared. It’s about slowing down, listening and not responding. The middle ground is not a fast place. It’s a place to slow down. It’s about listening. It’s used in schools… in prisons. If there’s a sense of competition—I have to give something up to get something—it’s essential that the language of competition is taken out of the circle. You might ask the person who is competitive, “What’s your interpretation of what’s going on here?”
Participant 5: I like that because interpretation requires empathy. By asking the person to tell both sides of the story, they have to go inward.
Russ: It becomes almost clichéd to say that you have to look at any situation through the eyes of another. But it’s effective. Ask, “How would you tell this story on the other person’s behalf?” It connects with the humanism of another person. “How can we rise above the noise? How can we pull ourselves together?”
Participant 4: Marital issues in court is one thing but what about in community when we are so polarized politically?
Ren: How can we have answers in our back pocket when we are caught off guard? When a stranger approached me while I was installing A Memorial Field this past May, she opened the conversation with, “Did my tax dollars pay for this?” I said, “No,” but, I wish I had said, “No, but your tax dollars do pay the settlements to families for each of these wrongful deaths.” I asked if she had visited A Memorial Field. She said, “I don’t want to go in there. It’s racist.” I was ill-equipped to respond to that. I asked if she knew that every one of the victims in A Memorial Field was unarmed and going about their day when a police encounter ended their life. She remained adamant that the installation shouldn’t be there. It’s where she walks her dog.
Participant 5: How do we deal with conversations when people are trying to score points?
Russ: Listen. Reflect back. Let them know they are being heard. That helps everyone in the room hear. In the courtroom, I might put my hand on the important document to bring them back to the issue at hand.
Participant 1: There are those who are highly sensitized, who can sense the subtle in any situation. Dr. Cornel West says there are certain people who are going to be more in harmony with the oppressed. The status quo is committing violence against people all the time. It’s a flimsy notion that we need to end polarization. It’s good not to have a sense of certitude. They have actionable items to address their needs. You need some certitude so there are people who deny their existence.
Russ: To subtly change systemic things, we plant the seeds for a paradigm shift in small conversations. We keep this work alive in small doses. It’s interpersonal. What we do within 3 feet or so of ourselves.
Participant 6: When things fall apart… when a process fails… what do you do when it’s not going well?
Russ: I listen. I do not try to rebut. It can get messy. Civility can break down, you sometimes have to shut it down because they are breaking the rules of the conversation. It’s an incredibly nuanced, imperfect practice, and it can be incredibly beautiful. Even when we are like-minded, if we don’t bring heart into the circle, where do we find the middle ground? How do we get to the place where we use the word, “love,” truthfully?
Participant 5: Can you give us an example, in your experience, of how to address our current polarization?
Russ: Resistance can be based in fear. There’s a lot of fear out there. It’s not about agreement, it’s about understanding. In my work, FEAR can stand for: “False Evidence Appearing Real” or it can stand for, “Fuck Everything And Run.” Court is a scary place. There was an honest guy in court who wanted to feed his family. He was treated unfairly. What was everyone afraid of in that situation? Address the fear barrier, break it down. It helps people relax.
Participant 7: We saw a documentary at the LPCA that depicts competing gangs in The Bronx that found middle ground by having street parties. They all got together, danced, and found a way away from their differences that started to heal their community. [Rubble Kings (2015), directed by Shan Nicholson]. I’ve seen the same dynamic in our own community when everyone’s out for Winter Carnival, they drop their affiliations and hang out together and party. We dress up in costumes, lighten up, and relax.
Participant 1: Doing this work can lead you into a pit of despair. Comedic relief is very important. It’s hard to sustain this work, so making fun of oneself, like Trevor Noah does of his own world of Apartheid, was how he maintained his own sanity when situations were emotionally taxing.
Participant 8: Trevor Noah’s “Yes, and…” tactic. The surprise of improvisational comedy – mix bad news with wry insights, which seems to acknowledge the middle ground. Opens us to surprise and new ways to react, new ways of thinking…
Russ: A man and woman are arguing about the storage of a boat. I’m trying to figure out why they are so polarized about the situation, only to find out later that they are brother and sister.
Bring humility to the table. That is the hard part for the people who need to be right. Bring curiosity. What if you are wrong?
Participant 1: How can we get both sides—opposing sides—to be curious about each other? Truth is multi-faceted. There’s no answer to all the world’s ills. The problem with the hyper conservative part of the spectrum, there’s no curiosity. What if curiosity isn’t a shared value?
Participant 3: Use the Socratic method, ask “Why?” Express that curiosity directly, bluntly. “Why do you think that way?”
Russ: Face it, a lot of people’s problems are because they are afraid to face their own self.
Participant 9: I think of the middle ground as the demilitarized zone, a border, a no-man’s land. Are you curious about walking to the other side? A little bit of polarization can be a good thing. It suggests there’s resistance to the ruling order. Too much resistance, currently. I wrote a paper about polarization. I looked at who’s benefiting from it. I looked at what’s happening in Greece and compared it to the U.S. It’s the elites who drive polarization. But on a local level, the polarization isn’t so evident.
Participant 10: Our commonalities, our common values help us get along on a day to day basis. But even in Saranac Lake we become highly polarized politically on a local level, like during the Walmart debate in 2011 and the Elise Stefanik rally at Riverside Park in 2022.
Participant 9: Yes, but that is all political.
Participant 5: All the forces that benefit from having people at each others’ throats—the media, social media—conflicts get ratings or clicks. If we realize more how we are being used for other people’s purposes and ask ourselves, “Do I really want to participate?” That’s where we find the middle ground.
Russ mentions two books, “Gangsters of Capitalism” by Jonathan M. Katz. It’s about Major General Smedley Butler, born in the late 19th century, who became the most highly decorated marine. Smedley wrote “War is a Racket.” He came to think of himself as a racketeer. There were people keeping these conflicts going for their own benefit. They told us we were fighting to stop communism, but we were fighting to make them into millionaires.
Participant 1: Follow the profits. Find the perpetrators. The state is inherently immoral. It is in a precarious position as to having any kind of moral authority.
Russ: Looking for a healthy middle ground. People with very narrow-mindedness, anger, etc. can soften. The more deeply emotionally invested they are in the conflict, the conflict itself becomes their purpose for living. What is the root cause of the conflict? How invested are two people in a conflict? When there’s that level of intractable conflict, there’s usually bullying. There was a situation where two people at the same level in an organization had avoided any contact for years because they were so emotionally invested in a conflict. One tolerated bullying to allow herself to be more vulnerable. The other was emotionally immature. Ultimately, to stop the conflict, they quit their jobs. Mediation is not a perfect panacea.
The group concluded in such a situation, the aggressor should have to leave. A participant offered one final thought on how the Adirondacks would benefit from an increase in racial diversity.
LISTENING LIST
- Dave Gunning’s album “The Same Storm” (released 2022)
- Carrie Newcomer, a kind and talented person with many good songs. Two recommendations: “Room at the Table” and “Gathering of Spirits”
- Carrie Newcomer and Parker Palmer’s podcast, “The Growing Edge”
